Blessed

Happy monday everyone! So I changed up my theme a little bit. I wanted to try a different one.

This entire weekend I’ve been spending time with my husband and my daughter. We had a family weekend, which we haven’t had in a very long time. We went to Fort Worth and went out for lunch and then we went to the Kimball Art museum. It was amazing. But while we were driving and Evelyn was sleeping in her car seat, we started talking about parenting.

While we were at the art museum, Evy needed me. She needed to eat and wanted to be taken out of her carseat, so I had to cut my time in the exhibit short. My husband felt bad that I had to do that. But I didn’t. Yes, it can be frustrating, but I’ve learned not to take that for granted. I honestly love every moment I spend with my daughter. I’ve learned her every sound and movement.

In the beginning, for the first few weeks, I had no idea what I was doing. I was sleep deprived, nursing hurt so much because I wasn’t used to it yet and I hadn’t yet learned what her cries meant so I didn’t know what she wanted. I felt like I was doing a terrible job, giving myself no grace as a new mother. But one day, when I felt like I had hit rock bottom, I was crying over Evelyn. Not the proudest moment, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was crying and telling her I was sorry I was doing such a crappy job. Sorry that she was stuck with me and that I would try harder for her. That was the first day she smiled at me. And not a milk drunk smile. She got this big, crooked smile that took up her whole face. Her face lighted up the room and she grabbed my shirt and wouldn’t let go. As if to tell me “It’s ok, mom. I love you no matter what.” And that made me cry so much harder, but it was so comforting. I scooped up that little cutie and cuddled her for the rest of the day. Since that day, things have become much easier for me because I’m treasuring everything, even the not so great stuff.

Every stinky blow out diaper, Evelyn smiles and giggles when I tell her she is stinky. She finds it funny and I think her finding it funny is funny. Every time she spits up all over me after nursing because she ate too much, she just wants to wrap her arms around my neck and cuddle with me regardless of the fact that I’m covered in breastmilk. Which is adorable to me. She has started mimicking my faces, which fill my heart with so much joy. When she is crying and inconsolable for my husband, I just have to walk over and pick her up and she is soothed instantly. When she smiled really big, she snorts a little. When I sing to her, even when she is sleeping, she smiles. If I talk to her while she is nursing, she smiles. She smiles at me so much, that I find it hard to be sad or down anymore.

I love being a mom. I love every nursing session, even if it interrupts something. She is only going to be nursing for a year. I love every dirty diaper, because of how silly she is while we are changing her. She finds our silly faces and sounds funny. Every screaming fit gives me a chance to sooth her, give her a back rub, sing to her, play with her toes until she is calm and smiling up at me. Every moment, whether it’s good or bad, I love. Even last night, it was bath time and I was washing her and she peed in my face. Literally in my face. I made a “AH!” reaction before trying to brush it off and smile and say “Uh oh!”, but Evelyn was already giggling and smiling at me. She is a goof ball just like me and her dad. I love…. everything. Even when I am having a bad day, all I have to do it pick her up and smell the top of her head. She has an intoxicating baby smell that I can’t get enough of and it is so calming.

I don’t have a lot of money to spoil her. Most of the things she has, the clothes she wears, were gifts. She doesn’t have a lot of toys, but she has four toys that are her absolute favorites. There is so much I wish for this child. I pray every day for her, multiple times a day. We were blessed when God gave her to us. Blessed. I am so thankful for her.