Sorry I haven’t written in quite a while, my lovely followers. Life has been… well, it’s been pretty busy. This post is going to be about some personal things and some other things, so get ready.
First I’m going to start off with my daughter. I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS LITTLE NUGGET! I seriously fall more and more in love with her every day! She is almost 6 months old! WHAT?! I feel like I just had her last week! Her personality is starting to really shine through. She scrunches up her nose when she smiles. I call it a crinkle smile because her eyes also crinkle and ah… I love it. She has mastered rolling over and is trying to crawl now. I’m not ready for her to do it, but I am at the same time. (time to baby-proof everything!) We are also about to introduce food to her, which will be excitingly messy. I can’t wait! And watching my husband with her melts my heart. He is so in love with her. She has him wrapped around her finger.
She loves to cuddle into my chest and pat the side of my face. She has started this new thing of sucking on my neck when I’m holding her. While it feels sooooo gross, she coo’s and laughs while doing it and I love it. When she is nursing, she has to have her hand on my face and gently strokes my cheek and it is absolutely adorable. Everything she does amazes me. She is making so many sounds and faces. She is growing so fast, I want it to slow down. That’s why I’m not taking any moment for granted. I love everything I do with her.
She has also decided that our dog is her best friend. She is learning how to pet him and loves napping on him and having him close by. And our dog, Hershel, has become super protective over her. He loves giving her kisses and is so patient with her. The other day, Evelyn became fussy while I was giving her a bath. We give her baths in our big bath tub with her. But in her fussiness, Hershel became worried and jumped into the bathtub with us. Evelyn proceeded to try to get to him and in turn just splashed a whole bunch of water in his face. He didn’t care. He just sat there and gave her a kiss and waited for her to be done before getting out with us.
I picked up a new job on the weekends at a restaurant to help our financial situation and to help my restlessness of sitting around at home most of the week. I’ve only had one shift, but it seems like it will be a lot of fun.
Onward to some personal things. My husband and I have been reading a book called “How We Love” (really great book for couples! I highly recommend it!) and it is teaching us many things, including our loves styles. I’m a Pleaser Love style. My upbringing made it so that I want to keep everyone happy and avoid conflict whenever possible. I get paranoid when I get even the hint someone is upset with me. And then when there is actual conflict, I literally get sick from the stress it causes me. A year ago, I wasn’t married yet. I had just recently found out I was pregnant, but I was also told that not everyone in my husbands family approved. My mother and other family members of mine also didn’t approve. It was an extremely difficult time for me, to the point that I was honestly afraid of stressing myself in to a miscarriage. Now a year later, I have closure with my family and I know everyone loves and accepts me and my daughter. But I have received no closure with my husbands family. It was just left as is and I’ve honestly been stressing over it for the entire year. I am not a person who can let go of things easily and I easily think people hate me until it’s been disproven. It’s not something I like. I wish I didn’t get so paranoid. I wish I didn’t care. But I do. And after a lifetime of struggling to be accepted by my family, I don’t want to have to go through it with another one. My husband has been stressing over it too. So it’s caused a lot of unrest for us. That’s why it keeps coming up in my posts.
On another note, it seems like I’ve lost or drifted from many friends this year. Despite my attempts to keep that from happening. Ive been steadily pushed out from my small group at church. I’m acknowledged, but for the 2 hours we are together, I’m barely spoken to even when I try to be a part of conversations and activities. The two good friends I had here in Texas are distant now. One became a manager to me at my new job, so we can’t hang out anymore and I’m not sure what happened with the other. Life was just busy. The friends I have in NC either don’t believe that I still care or are living their lives. Which they should. I live in another state now. None of this is anyones fault, but the point of all of this is that I’ve been extremely lonely lately. I talk to my husband about everything. He is my best friend. But I don’t have anyone else. No girlfriends… Nothing. And that’s very hard for me. Part of me wants to move back to NC to be closer to friends and family again. We haven’t found a church that we feel is ‘our’ church yet. We’ve just been going to one, but don’t feel any connection with it. So both me and my husband have been feeling distant from God recently, which adds to the hardship. We are trying hard to find a family in a smaller church.
On a positive note, my husband and I get to spend our first christmas together with our daughter. We have a tree. We are going to bake and cook together. And it’s our first anniversary a few days after christmas! I don’t know what we are going to do, but I’m excited about it either way!
That’s it for now! Happy Holidays, everyone!